The secret to blissful polygamy
By Ridzwan Fernandez
news@nst.com.my
Nothing really extraordinary in these parts, except for one fact — they all live happily under one roof.
And as in past, this Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be the same boisterous affair in the Arifin household, which the 60-year-old patriarch swears is filled with endless love and joy.
“Not every man can pull this off. You got to gave a lot of heart to keep it going,” he said at his sprawling 22-bedroom home in Kampung Tebauk. Bukit Tunggal, about 10km from here.
During the interview, Arifin, known for his penchant for high-powered motorcycles, politely declined to be photographed.
“Nothing personal, but I cannot violate this pantang larang (taboo) and there is also a religious explanation to it.”
The businessman has sort of become a celebrity in his own right among the village menfolk, who probably can be forgiven for wondering how he is managing to keep all four wives happy in the same house.
“I get that (question) a lot. I always give the same answer. If you want to take that (polygamous) road, you must have understanding, bravery, and firmness.”
The jovial grandfather said a complete understanding of polygamy in the true sense of Islam was very important, adding that the polygamist himself needed to be brave in undertaking the responsibility that comes with it.
Finally, he must be prepared to make firm decisions to keep the peace among family members should problems arise.
“If you don’t have the heart for this, then don’t practise (polygamy) because it could end up in a mess.”
Arifin’s first marriage was to Fatimah Abdullah, now 55, in 1971, and his fourth was in 1989 to nurse Wan Akma Wan Abd Rahman, 48.
In between, he married Chinese convert Roslina Soh, 50, and Surizah Salleh, 48.
They bore him nine boys and eight girls, now aged between 12 and 38. His eldest grandchild is 18 while the youngest is two.
He said except for Roslina, whose family initially were not agreeable to her conversion and polygamous marriage, the other two wives had no problems accepting his proposal.
“I courted them and in less than a year I proposed. I think they appreciated the fact that I was being very open and honest about my other wives.
“The secret is being fair. From their finances, to gifts, and of course to the loving,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
It was quite easy to see where this was coming from. All four wives and children interacted and mingled as one big happy family.
“From day one, we have never seen ourselves as adversaries. We are more of adik-beradik (siblings) who share the love of the same person,” Surizah said as Wan Akma nodded in agreement.
Roslina’s eldest daughter Suhaili, 26, said the bond among her step-siblings was strong.
“There is no such thing as step-siblings among us. We are brothers and sisters. Period.”
Arifin jokingly had one last word for the unconvinced when asked why he did not stop at two or three wives.
“Two represents a bicycle; you need balancing. Three is like a heavy trishaw, but four is like a car — you just start the ignition and cruise along,” he said.
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