Want it to last? Have children
By P. Selvarani
LONG-distance marriages are more likely to survive the test of time and distance when couples are grounded for practical reasons, such as sharing finances, owning a house and having children.
"People get married because they are drawn to each other but love and romance alone will not necessarily sustain the marriage. There are other factors that compel couples to stay together, such as having children or sharing ownership of a house. And these are the things that will keep couples together when things get tough and the love erodes," says marriage and family therapist Dr Johnben Loy Teik Cheok.
He says couples would find it more stressful living apart if the marriage was purely based on love and romance rather than for practical reasons.
"What is there to keep them together if there is not much talking, sexual relations or planning for a future together? When there are less factors that hold them together, then the greater the chance of the marriage failing."
While it may be more challenging to maintain long-distance marriages in this day and age, Dr Loy says Asian families of a previous generation were able to handle the situation better as they were more focused on their respective roles.
For instance, the wife would be living in a country where her children are studying while the husband is in another country attending to his business.
"They focus on their respective roles where the mother is there to take care of the children while the father works to support his children's education. Back then, it was survival-based and they had a more practical and long-term outlook in their marriage."
Consultant psychologist Dr Edward Chan believes effective communication is crucial to the survival of any marriage, especially a long-distance one.
The communication, he adds, must be of quality and quantity as the wrong communication technique would worsen an already strained relationship.
He says at least 50 per cent of couples who live apart have communication issues.
"When they do not know how to communicate constructively, support each other emotionally or empathise with each other despite a difference of opinion, then it could lead to conflicts which could eventually cause the marriage to fail."
Read more: Want it to last? Have children http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/kn31spjohnben-2/Article#ixzz13wAbzJsM
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