More marriages running out of sex
2010/10/17
By Shanti Gunaratnam
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KUALA LUMPUR: The number of couples in sexless marriages is on the rise in Malaysia, said a consultant psychologist.
Datuk Dr Mat Saat Baki, who is also a sexologist, said one in 10 marriages in the country could be categorised as "sexless".
"Malaysian couples are putting off sex for a number of reasons.
"Some of the contributing factors could be work-related stress, financial problems, marital woes, sickness, emotional injuries as a result of fights and harsh words used, a suspicion that a spouse is having an affair, changes in body shape, boredom and childbirth among others.
"These couples might have had sex in the early years of their marriage but had put off intimacy for some reason or other."
He said, however, that this did not mean that such couples were having unhappy marriages.
"They are not miserable. Some of them are perfectly happy and contented with their lives."
He said this situation was not unique to Malaysia.
"About five per cent of the world's married couples are in a sexless marriage, which is when couples have sex 10 times or less in a year."
The sexual response cycle in a marriage, said Dr Mat Saat, could be divided into three categories -- hyper, where couples had sex four or five times a day; hypo, where they did it only once or twice a week; and less and avoidance, where spouses "avoid" each other.
The less and avoidance category is divided further into three sub-categories.
The first is where the couple never consummate their marriage; the second is where one or both spouses are homosexuals, and the last "secondary category" is where couples who use to enjoy sex have lost interest because of other factors.
"Most Malaysian couples who have gone off sex fall in the 'secondary category'."
Dr Mat Saat said for some couples, emotional attachment was enough.
"Some couples in sexless marriages do not want to seek help. They are also reluctant to walk away from their marriage."
But Malaysians are aware that there is help out there. Some have actually come forward for treatment.
"I have had patients as young as 18 and those in the very late 80s. Some have been in sexless marriages for a long time. Some come forward because they want to have children."
Dr Mat Saat said sexual intercourse in a marriage was only 10 per cent of the entire "ball game".
"In a marriage, there are four types of relationships. The first and ideal one should be love and sex, followed by love minus sex.
"And then, there is the sex without love and in some marriages, there is no love or sex.
"If couples are happy in sexless marriages, then it is okay. But when one spouse is not happy, that is when problems start to arise."
He said those who wanted help for their problems should not go to traditional healers or bomoh, but seek expert advice.
Read more: More marriages running out of sex http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/06sex/Article#ixzz12a0sLdj8
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